Glimpses into Heaven
by Creatively Licensed B
Summary: The boys are stoked to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show... the girls not so much. Austin/Payson/Max Damon/Razor Lauren/Kaylie friendships; Nickelly Lauren/Jake; Implied Sasha/Payson Damon/Kaylie; CRACK FIC


A/N: I was watching the show with my bros and started writing. This fic is SO OOC and SO FUN to write! I meant to post it as a Merry Christmas, but then got swept up in the holidays.

**Warning**: I have nothing, but love and respect for the Victoria's Secret Angels. I don't understand all the hate, but then again I've never understood why someone's hotness make some people feel bad about themselves...? Anyways, they all seem really sweet and obviously work hard to look the way they do and be as successful as they are. Plus, the outfits are fucking sexy. Can we just celebrate confident, successful, crazy hot women please?

That being said, this fic came from a place of love and respect. The characters' views and opinions are theirs and not mine. Enjoy! Merry Late Christmas, lovers!

* * *

**Glimpses into Heaven **

Austin walks down the hallway with a bowl of popcorn in one arm and a case of beer in the other. The lake house has been transformed into a Winter Wonderland even if Christmas isn't for another few weeks. Max and Payson are on the couch, in front of the flatscreen. Payson looks over Max's shoulder as he taps out a text on his phone.

"Did I miss anything?" Austin fills the empty space at Payson's side. He hands the bowl of popcorn to the blonde and a beer to the dark-haired photographer.

"It hasn't started yet," Payson replies. She eyes him skeptically, reading how ridiculously giddy Austin is. "Why are you so excited? I'm the girl here and I'd rather see what's on ESPN."

"Three words, Keeler: Victoria's Secret Angels," Austin says, giving each word special emphasis. "I love those girls. Max introduced us to some of them at one of his fashion things in New York once. Every single one of 'em was taller than Nicky. The pics from that night are amazing."

"And never happening again," Max says. "By the way, Ava, who assumed we're watching, knows you turned your phone off _on purpose_ so she's sending all her thoughts to me. Thanks for that."

"You're welcome," Austin says cheekily.

"You know, you aren't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts," Payson reminds them. She can't help it. She loves Austin, but she's Team Little Tucker.

"Well, she isn't helping my sleep cycle by texting me at four in the morning," Austin retorts. "Maxi, what'd Ava say?"

"Ava says _I can't believe you and Austin are watching that_, _you Neanderthals_," Max reads off his phone. "_You dicks are encouraging society's unrealistic standard of beauty. Go fuck each other—next text—in the ass—next text—btw, wrap it up._"

"That's a staggeringly accurate imitation of my lovely sister, Maxie," Austin says. "Open up."

Max opens his mouth and Austin throws an entire handful of popcorn at Max's face. He doesn't catch a single one. Payson shakes her head, stuck between the two.

"I'm glad she's finally opening up to the idea of you two," Payson teases. Austin gives her a sour look and tugs on the cute, festive beanie she's wearing, pulling the front down over her eyes. Payson shoves him and Austin smiles at her. Max rolls his eyes dramatically.

"Another from Ava." Max eyes his phone while picking popcorn off his chest and pops it into his mouth. "She wants to know _why_ we're watching this. Preferably in 160 characters or less."

"Text her back, Payson says no clue," the lone girl replies.

"Another three words," Austin says, mouth full. "_Adriana Lima. Period_."

Max laughs, texting with his thumb. "Always the answer."

"That Super bowl commercial she was in? Thank God for DVR. Dad and me rewound it like a dozen times. Even mom said she'd do 'er. Drove V up the friggin' wall." Austin anxiously drums his feet against the ground.

"Adriana Lima is an inspiration to young girls all over the world," Max adds.

Payson remains unimpressed. "They're models. It's their job to be hot."

"Adriana Lima has a dietician, a chef, a personal trainer, a nanny, an assistant and time built into her work schedule for workouts," Max explains. Stalker detail. Then again, he did take photos of Payson long before they got acquainted, something people seem to forget all too easily. "She has a baby like, two months ago and I bet she's going to kill it on the catwalk."

"See," Austin agrees. "Adriana Lima. Always."

Payson turns to him, head tilted. "Which one is she again?"

…

"She's only like, one of the hottest supermodels ever!" Kelly says, like it's a crime to not know. She looks from the TV to her boyfriend. "Seriously, Nick, did you just ask me that?"

Sitting next to her on the couch, Nicky opens his mouth as if to say something, but then catches himself and closes his mouth, thinking better of it. Kelly reads his intent regardless and scolds him with a nudge. He leans back against the couch, just looking at her. Kelly does the same.

"I can't believe you're actually here," Kelly says quietly, like she's sharing a secret. Her fingers move across the space between them on the couch, reaching for his hand.

Nicky fits his fingers between hers and laughs. "Where else would I be for Christmas? Any excuse to see you…"

They lean in until their foreheads touch, just lightly, and something about that is so innocent yet all too intimate. Before their lips have a chance to meet—

"Kids!" a voice shouts from behind them. Richard Parker, a middle-aged man in a wool sweater, pops his head into the room. Nicky quickly jumps to the other end of the couch and Kelly sits up quickly, turning to face her dad. "Cathy is baking cookies. Nicky, you like cookies, right?"

"They're gingerbread!" Kelly's stepmom shouts from the kitchen. "Pillsbury brand!"

"The best brand!" Mr. Parker shouts in reply. Turning back to Nicky and Kelly, he whispers, "And luckily premixed. Once, she tried to make it from scratch." Mr. Parker grimaces and Nicky smiles and glances at Kelly, who has her face pressed to the couch, embarrassed. "I know you're a gymnast, but your Superman six-pack will still be there after a cookie."

"Sounds great, sir."

"I'm going to get the lights up outside. Then I'll get the rest of the decorations from the attic and we can finally make this place feel like Christmas," Mr. Parker explains.

"Need any help?" Nicky asks politely.

Kelly gives her dad a sharp look that says _I'm spending time with my boyfriend after not seeing him for months, do not ruin it, dad!_ Mr. Parker must get the hint because he smiles knowingly and declines. He thanks Nicky for the offer and leaves the room.

"He loves you," Kelly tells Nicky, pretending it doesn't totally freak her out that her family gets along with her boyfriend. "He always wanted a jock son, but then he got me. Then he got Justin and Justin is a skinny, un-athletic gamer spaz."

"We all can't be Olympic gymnasts." Nicky gives her his most confident smirk and Kelly rolls her eyes. He starts to lean towards her again when suddenly, Justin, Kelly's thirteen-year-old stepbrother, hops the back of the couch, squishing himself between them.

"MOM! Richard! Kelly and her boyfriend are making out and touching each other in front of me!" Justin shouts, wearing a backwards baseball cap atop his head and a smarmy grin on his freckled-face.

"Kelly, we haven't given him _the talk_ yet!" her stepmom shouts.

Seeing Kelly and how she's even more embarrassed, Nicky smiles and asks her, "Did they give you _the talk_ yet?"

…

"What are you talking about?" Lauren scoffs. "I don't get jealous."

"Not at all, baby." Jake hands her a snowman mug of tea while holding another with mint hot chocolate and marshmallows floating in it.

Jake gets comfy beside Lauren on the couch and wraps his arm around her. Sitting on the other side of Lauren is Kaylie, texting on her phone. There's a _giant_ gap between the girl in pink and the happy couple. Her third wheel status is not lost on Kaylie, who clears her throat, trying to pretend this isn't totally awkward.

"That's total crap, Lo," Kaylie argues. "He's just saying that because he has to."

Lauren turns to glare at her best friend. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

Before this little disagreement can blow up to ridiculous proportions like so many things with Lauren and Kaylie, the sound of a phone ringing interrupts.

"It's daddy," Lauren says, "probably wants to go over our roadtrip route back to Colorado for the millionth time. By how overprotective he is I'm surprised he ever let me move out."

Lauren takes her phone into the next room. Jake loudly slurps his hot chocolate while Kaylie flips through channels on TV.

"So," Kaylie says, "are you ready to drive all the way to Colorado with two girls and Legally Blonde: the Musical soundtrack on repeat?"

Jake groans dramatically. "Damn, the things I do for Barbie and Theresa."

Kaylie stops channel surfing when she catches a glimpse of blue glittery title shot that says _VICTORIA'S SECRET FASHION SHOW _and 2012 in the O. Kaylie spaces out and Jake tilts his head at her, concerned.

"Yo, you okay?" he asks. There are circus people doing some crazy shit and some dude deep throating a sword on TV, but Jake is more concerned with the far off look on Kaylie's face.

"Fine," Kaylie says quickly. "Um, I had a friend who always talked about becoming a Victoria's Secret Angel."

"Had?"

Kaylie nods, looking so sad. "She passed away a few years ago."

Jake scoots over and closes the gap between them, giving Kaylie a one-arm hug. "I know what'll make you feel better. Why don't we watch the fashion show and see how jealous we can make Lo?"

Kaylie smiles gently. "I'd love to."

…

"I can't wait till this little guy is old enough to drink with us!" Razor shouts excitedly. He jumps out of his seat a bit before falling back down beside Damon, who's holding a chubby little baby with a Santa hat atop his little head. The lettering on the hat reads: _Jackson_.

"Fuck, we're going to be old," Damon mutters thoughtlessly.

"Dude! Not in front of the little Shelter Pup!" Razor scolds him. "If Emily heard that, she'd beat you."

"And how would that be different from every other day?" Damon balances his son on one knee with one arm wrapped securely around him. Damon has a beer in the other hand and he takes a gulp.

"Dude, stop being depressing. It's almost Jackie's first Christmas!"

"Don't call my son Jackie."

"Like Jackie Robinson!"

"I hate sports."

"That wouldn't impress Kaylie's dad," Razor teases, knowingly poking at a metaphorical soft spot. Razor stops the channel on CBS when two girls in bubble gum pink robes with long, tan legs catch his attention. The announcer starts counting the models off by name and Razor's mouth drops. "Christmas gifts came early this year!"

"No," Damon refuses. "Put on A Christmas Story or something."

"No," Razor says, with childlike vigor. "It's the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, Damon! Plus, you can't play a drinking game to a family classic."

Damon's ears perk at one of his favorite two-word combination. "I'm listening."

"Drink every suspected thong, lip-bite, wink and kiss to the audience."

It doesn't sound like this is Razor's first VS fashion show drinking game…because it isn't.

…

"_Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the one, the only, Victoria's Secret Fashion Show!"_

Kelly's stepbrother, Justin, sits between Nicky and her, staring off at the TV with his mouth open in a zombie-like state. Kelly waves her hand in front of his face until Justin grows irritable and shoves her hand away. Kelly smiles, amuses with herself.

"It's like he stole his mom's Xanax or something," Kelly murmurs.

"Why are there people in white unitards hanging from the ceiling in the background?" Nicky asks quizzically. Yes, because when a gorgeous, tan woman in bedazzled lingerie and wings struts down a silver glitter runway _that _is what he wants to know. Only Nicky Russo. "And what's with the circus people?"

"Dude, shut up," Justin says. "Boobs."

"I hate circus people," Kelly scoffs.

"Childhood trauma involving your mom?" Nicky asks.

"Obviously," Kelly replies, not very impressed with the model whose arms and legs are covered with alternating black and white stripes, like it's supposed to distract from how tiny her black panties are. "Bring me to anything remotely resembling a circus and that's a deal breaker, Nick."

"Why?" Nicky smiles. "It could be your back-up, back-up career path."

Kelly lifts her arm like she's going to hit him, but remembers how Justin is sitting between them and gets annoyed. "Justin, can you go somewhere else?"

"Kelly, we're trying to watch hot girl model!" Justin shouts, motioning to the TV just as the camera pans up Miranda Kerr's flawless body. "Why can't you hang out with girls that hot?"

"Because girls that hot don't exist in the real world," Kelly says matter-of-factly. She looks from Justin to Nicky, who also has his eyes on the TV and a dumb look on his face. "Oh, my God, Nick, really?"

"What?" Nicky says defensively. He snaps out of it and smiles sheepishly. "Her outfit—"

Justin laughs. "What outfits? They're practically naked! This is _so_ awesome!"

Kelly rips Justin's hat off his head and swats Nicky with it. Nicky walks around Justin, who makes a big fuss when Nicky blocks his view for five seconds and worms his way between Justin and Kelly. He tries to hug Kelly, who shoves him away.

"I've actually met some of those girls, but I'm sitting here with you, Parks."

Justin's head whips in their direction, dumbfounded. "You _met _them?"

"Yeah, my cousin, Max, is a photographer so—"

"They do exist!" Justin shouts. "What are they like?"

"Models are human beings too," Nicky answers. "And they were all taller than me."

"Oh, so you're only dating me because I'm short?" Kelly asks, shoving her elbow into his side to remind him that she's sitting there with them.

"Short?" Justin makes this sound that's half-laugh and half-snort. "You're like a midget. I'm almost taller than you and I'm still in middle school."

"Justin, shut up!"

Kelly is clearly getting all worked up for nothing and, like a dozen times in the past, Nicky just tilts her chin towards him and kisses her to calm her down.

…

"Austin, you need to calm down." Payson stares at the TV, holding her face in her hands, perplexed. "Wait…tell me she did not just wink and bite her lip at the end of the runway…"

"Adriana Friggin' Lima!" Austin shouts excitedly. "Damn, that was pro. Like high-quality porn."

"Just without the extremely hairless dudes and/or lesbians that make you feel insecure about how you eat out," Max says, before shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth. Because that's just a totally normal comment to make. Totally.

"Too much, Max. Get yourself together, man." Payson sends him a strange look and then her eyes go straight back to the TV. "How are these women so skinny yet so fit yet have boobs?"

"Who cares about the logic," Max says dismissively. "It's about the beauty."

"And the way their boobs are jiggling is like, artistic," Austin adds. Payson pulls her attention away from the TV long enough to whack Austin upside the head. He cries out and rubs his head, eyes glued to the screen. "The hell, Keeler?"

"Ava would have wanted me to do that," Payson explains, before reaching for more popcorn.

Max's phone vibrates against the leather couch and he quickly checks it. Then laughs. "Hey, Aus, Ava wants to know if Doutzen in her pink poodle outfit reminded you of Kaylie."

Austin scowls, sipping on a beer. "No, Kaylie doesn't have the boobs for it."

"Austin!" Payson smacks him again, harder this time.

"It's true," Max murmurs, replying to the text, quoting Austin word for word.

Payson turns to smack Max, who dramatically winces.

Rubbing the top of his head, Austin announces, "New Rule: Payson isn't invited to the 2013 show!"

And he gets smacked again.

"You were asking for that one," Max laughs.

Austin rubs his hand over his head. "Yeah, I realize."

…

"Dude, don't even test me! I know all the words!" Razor shouts, slightly red in the face. "Go, get yo freak on! Go, get yo freak on! Go, getcha getcha getcha getcha freak on!"

Damon finishes off a bottle and expertly sets it down on the coffee table without disturbing the baby resting on his chest. The fashion show has just started and they already have a clutter of empty glass bottles like a set of bowling pins on the table.

"You don't think the flashing lights will give him a seizer, right?" Razor asks, smiling goofily at little Jackson, whose big blue eyes don't stay from the TV. Not once. Why would he look away when there's a model, looking like a tiger, swinging her tail with flames floating behind her?

"Jackson's fine," Damon says dismissively. "Did I tell you I took him to a Muse concert?"

"Shut up!"

"His first concert, you know, beside watching daddy play," Damon says proudly. "It's okay, though. I got him a set of those Baby Banz hearing protector earmuffs. Just don't tell Emily. She doesn't know. She was working late that night."

"Does she know about that time you dropped him?"

"I didn't drop him! I turned my back for one second and he _rolled_—"

"Does she know about that time you had a meeting with the label and couldn't find a last minute sitter so you called one of your old groupies?"

"She wasn't a groupie," Damon says defensively.

"What about that time Kaylie was in town—"

"No!" Damon interrupts him. "No more. I get it. I'm a horrible dad."

"Candy canes for trying," Razor says, hanging a candy cane on the collar of Damon's t-shirt. "At least you're here for Emily and Jackson."

Miranda Kerr walks down the runway, a stunner, as always. The two guys can't help, but stare. Little Jackson included.

"I would do everything in my power for just a night with any or all of those girls," Razor says, just being honest. He pries off the bottle cap of a fresh beer with his teeth and spits it across the living room. Damon laughs, taking another swig of his own. "Didn't you meet them at some label thing?"

"Miranda Kerr, when I was living down in LA. Ade—Adrianna Tate-Duncan, not Lima, the popstar, not the model—dragged me to one of those charity fundraiser dinners and we were such fangirls," Damon confesses, trying not to disturb Jackson, whose still concentrate on the TV. "I swear Miranda Kerr is the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen in my life."

"Nice, Damon."

The two turn to see Emily standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Uh-oh.

Damon tries to say something, but Emily just marches into the room and takes Jackson from him. "I'm putting our son to sleep," she announces. "You boys have fun objectifying women."

"Hey, Em, don't be upset!" Razor calls after her. "At least he wasn't talking about Kaylie!"

A door loudly slams and it leaves them in silence.

"Thanks for that one, Ray," Damon says, finishing off his bottle and chasing after her.

…

Jake finishes his hot cocoa and sets it down on the coffee table.

"Damn, how is she even balancing those star wings on her back _and in heels_? Girl, check you out." Jake whistles long and slow, impressed. His arm is no longer around Lauren, but his elbows are on his knees, leaning forward, leering at the TV. "Yeah, girl, you blow them kisses to the audience."

"Ew," Lauren says. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

"Holy hell, tall, tan warrior princess!" Jake hollers. "Damn, that's a snake around her neck!"

"Britney did it with a real snake," Lauren interjects.

"Even the clown is cute."

Lauren looks from the TV to Jake. "Okay, are we watching the same thing?"

"_Damn_. Yeah, girl, you twirl your tail. Yeah, Tiger Girl." Jake growls like a tiger, clawing with his hands and everything. Kaylie giggles into her shoulder while Lauren stares at Jake like aliens have abducted her boyfriend.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Lauren asks him bluntly.

"Shh, baby, I'm trying to watch the show."

"God, they all sound so exotic," Kaylie comments, reminding Jake and Lauren that they aren't the only two in the apartment. "Jake, do guys like girls with accents?"

"Definitively," he responds. "Brownie points, hot fudge, the whole damn sundae."

Lauren scowls, clearly disagreeing. All the girls are ushered off the runway and the interview segment begins. "Alessandra Ambrosio sounds like a gorilla."

Jake shushes her. "Barbie, not now. Times are a' changin' and if it means confident, powerful women wearing less and less clothes, I am all for it."

Lauren rolls her eyes and sips her tea. Kaylie sits by, enjoying this so much.

"Whoa, check out the shoot they did with all the rose pedals around the room," Jake says, pointing Lauren to the TV that has his undivided attention. "Damn, that's romantic!"

Kaylie turns to him with enthusiasm. "I was just about to say the same thing!"

Lauren looks between her best friend and boyfriend, who are silently squealing together through their eyes. "Did you two drop acid while I was on the phone?"

"Did I ever tell you I did that whole rose pedal thing for my ex once?" Jake thinks to mention. It strikes a chord with Lauren and they all feel it even if Jake and Kaylie pretend not to. "And in return, she gave me nothing, but 99 problems—all bitches. But, now, with Lo, we love each other so I don't have to try as hard."

"Now _that_'s romantic," Lauren says sarcastically. She stares straight at the TV, doing her best to remain unbothered. Jake gives Kaylie a wink and she tries her hardest not to laugh.

…

Max falls over laughing, a laptop in his lap, staring at a picture of Adriana Lima's husband. The boys polished off a six-pack at this point and Payson is still wondering why she's still hanging out with them.

"Max, why do we do this to ourselves whenever we drink?" Austin asks miserably. "She's Adriana Friggin' Lima and her husband looks like _that_! It just makes me crazy! How even did that happen?" Austin grabs Payson's shoulder when something he sees excites him on the TV. Unprepared, Payson actually fricking jumps. "Dude, what's the commercial with the horse? Find that shit on YouTube!"

"Austin!" Payson shoves him off her, but Austin is so fixated on the TV that he barely notices. Every shot is of Angels posing at different, fantastical locations around the world. His fixation is totally appropriate, but Payson's reaction suggests otherwise.

"_Bob Dylan in Venice, it was unbelievable..." _

"Bod so got laid," Austin says. "Touched by an angel, indeed."

"_When I worked with Michael Bay for the first time, that was incredible…" _

"Michael Bay _definitely_ got laid," Max adds, glued to the short interview portion. "Bastard."

"Did Sasha ever date an Angel?" Austin thinks aloud. Payson scowls at the very idea.

"Sasha is _fit_. So Angel-worthy," Max says offhandedly. He watches TV like, again, that's a totally normal thing to say. Austin and Payson trade looks before turning to Max. When he finally realizes they're staring, Max laughs nervously. "What? When I was at the Rock, I walked in while Sasha was showering in the locker room and it's true! Don't worry, Pay, I'm not gay for Sasha. I just told him his traps looks ridic and punctuated it with a no-homo."

Austin and Payson trade another look. Max glares, picks up stray popcorn pieces on the couch and throws it at the two of them.

"Max, I really wish I didn't hear that," Payson says. "And if Sasha dated an Angel, I'd know and he didn't."

"Are you two like official?" Max can totally ask things like that even if he briefly dated Payson because, again, totally normal, and normal is totally Max Spencer's thing.

"He gave her the key to his apartment and she gave him the key to her heart," Austin says teasingly. Payson narrows her eyes at him, slightly blushing. Then Austin gets distracted by the fashion show and shakes Payson's arm again. "Do you think the girls actually like Rihanna or they just have to be cute and say nice shit about her?"

"Rihanna? Gross. Okay, enough. This is ridiculous!" Payson shouts. She dives across Max, reaching for the remote, but the photographer quickly snatches it away and holds it out of her reach. "We could be watching Christmas movies or sports highlights or something educational!"

"Payson," Max growls, struggling to keep the remote away from her. "Stop trying to ruin Christmas!"

Payson tries to wrestle the controller away from Max as Austin goes on, eating popcorn and staring at Rihanna onscreen. With a mouth full of popcorn, Austin murmurs, "Rihanna reminds me of a dying animal."

"_Shine bright like a diamond / shine bright like a diamond / we're beautiful like diamonds in the sky…"_

…

Justin sits on the coffee table, as to be closer to the television, while Nicky and Kelly make out on the couch behind him. The volume is turned up way loud, drowning out all the weird sounds every time their lips meet and linger. Nicky's hand wanders, up her inner thigh, over her leggings, but Kelly pushes his hand away. Her eyes dart to the back of her stepbrother's head and then to Nicky, who smiles mischievously.

"He's so quiet, I forgot he was here for a second and technically, we aren't in front of him," Nicky explains. Uh-huh, sure. Actually, since it's Nicky, he probably meant it. "Hey, Justin, what are you looking at?"

"Models," he replies, lost in a trance. "Models with boobs."

"And what are you listening to?" Nicky asks.

"Rihanna," he answers. "Dude, stop talking to me! I'm trying to pay attention!"

Nicky laughs and gives Kelly a reassuring little kiss. She relaxes, leaning into him.

"I'm a little shocked you're dressed so nice," Kelly says, running her fingers down the buttons of his fitted, light blue dress shirt. Against his ear, she continues, "No gym hoodies or sweats. Very appropriate 'I'm sleeping with your daughter, but trying to hide it' attire."

Nicky laughs, looking so very shy for a second. "Good. Because that's what I was going for."

Kelly leans in to kiss him again, but her phone starts ringing in the pocket of her sweater. Justin is quick to give her a loud, long _shhh_! Kelly sees who it is and groans.

"Marty's OCD is acting up again," she complains. "He can't find his clipboard and acts as if it's my job to know where it is at all times. It isn't even important DE business, just spread sheets of all his employees he's screwed and a timetable of their day so he can strategize ways to avoid them."

"Fun," Nicky mutters. "Even when I'm away at school I still get texts from Marty in the middle of the night, saying he's drunk and needs someone to pick him up from that strip club off the 490."

Kelly points to herself. "An honor that was handed down to me. Thanks a lot, Nick."

"Did you put the child lock on the door?"

"We learned that the hard way," Kelly replies, pulling Nicky's arm around her and snuggling again him. "He's probably watching this stupid fashion show, isn't he?"

Nicky looks up just in time to see one model strutting down the runway, hands joined with Rihanna and black wings behind her, her black and white lingerie reduced to strips, forming intriguing geometrical formations. Nicky quickly averts his eyes and clears his throat, knowing Kelly is totally watching him.

"I wouldn't doubt it," Nicky answers. "He's probably watching it at a strip club…with the strippers…and he probably calls all of them by their stripper names."

Kelly's face scrunches in disgust. "Forget babysitting Marty through his major life mistakes for a sec. Admit it, Nick, you desperately miss Denver when you're at school."

"Yeah." Nicky brushes his lips over hers. "Desperately indeed."

…

"How desperate can you be?" Kaylie rants. "Chris Brown is gross. I don't care if she forgave him and they're back together and, yes, it was her choice and hers alone, but he used her face as a punching bag! I'd rather give up my lesbian virginity to Ellen Beals than listening to his music ever again."

"You talk like you know them, which you don't," Lauren points out. "FYI, millions of girls probably say just as much about you and Austin and your Golden Break Up and you didn't enjoy public opinion on that, did you?"

"Exactly. If it's a vicious cycle that won't ever stop I might as well have an opinion."

"I actually think he's the victim here. He let his past get the best of him. Home boy made a mistake, manned up and got help, but, yeah, it was dumb of him to run back to her," Jake argues. "She's the sociopath, manipulating him. She stole him from his model rebound. She's just plain manic. Have you seen her Instagram? I didn't know there was so many different ways to pose naked with a joint."

"Why are you looking at naked pictures of Rihanna?" Lauren asks accusingly.

Jake grins and looks back at the TV to see Bruno Mars performing during the Calendar Girl collection. "Hey, look how short Bruno Mars is compared to the Angels! Shit, homie looks like a hobbit!"

"_Cause you make feel like / I've been locked out of heaven / for too long, for too long—"_

"Ooo, we met Bruno Mars!" Kaylie shrieks. "Remember, Lo?"

"Through Max Spencer. Pay and I still debate all the time whether or not he's gay."

"Bruno Mars?" Jake asks distractedly.

"No, Max Spencer," Lauren corrects him. "He's _so gay_ or at the very least still bi. All his 'joking around' with Austin and the photos that leaked from that shoot he did with One Direction? He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation _again_."

"Weird," Kaylie says. "Weren't you the one who tried to seduce him?"

"No." Lauren does a miserable job at lying and turns to Jake, waiting for him to call her out on this even though they've had the Max Spencer discussion a thousand times at this point.

Instead, Jake has his eyes on the fashion show and claps his hands when Barbara Palvin comes out at the tail end of the collection, dressed as a sexy Santa's Helper. "This is my favorite so far, a different girl and different theme for every month. It's a pin-up girl calendar come to life."

"That's it. I need wine," Lauren says, standing from the couch and going to the kitchen.

"Wow, you're really getting into this," Kaylie whispers to Jake, who hushes her in return, very serious about not missing a single second of the show. "Oh snap, The Biebs is up next!"

…

When a couple models walk past The Biebs, the boy in the white skinny jeans stops and points at the models. When he literally has to be pulled away by one of his people, Austin and Max share a laugh and high-five over Payson's head, still stuck between them, still confused as to why she's suffering through this.

"Man, I really wish I was working the show this year," Max muses, sitting back and nursing a beer bottle. He's lost count of how many he's had at this point. Austin too.

"Why aren't you working the show?" Payson asks.

Austin chuckles. "We all got really drunk at one of the after-parties and made a pretty big scene. If you were there, you wouldn't have to ask."

Max narrows his eyes at his longtime friend. "Austin stole a bottle of champagne worth a thousand dollars from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then Austin, King of Blacked Out Shit Starting, said fuck it and started trying to steal the guy's date and his clothes!"

Austin laughs again, louder this time. "It was great, even Nicky had a good time…no, wait. Strike that. Nicky was dating Adrianna at the time."

"Tate-Duncan. Double N Adria_nn_a," Max clarifies, just for Payson. "Not the hot, classy model, the crazy bitch tornado."

"No kidding. It's no coincidence 'Ade' was one of Hitler's nicknames." Austin sighs heavily at a particular memory. "You're lucky you didn't tag along on my trips to visit Maxi and Nicky in New York. When Nicky was dating Ade and she'd go out with us, _every fucking night_ I'd have to tell Russo to get his girl a big shot of _chill the fuck out_ and put it on my tab."

"Was she that bad?" Payson asks.

"When he finally broke up with her, Ade told him he was the JV to her varsity, which is hilariously great, but then hours later she wouldn't stop texting him until he seriously considered a restraining order." Max laughs. Even if it wasn't funny at the time (no, it totally was), it sort of (really) is now. "There are few things I regret more than introducing them."

"Stringing me and Lo along?" Payson mentions. Max gives her a nervous smile.

"Anyways!" Austin rushes to the rescue per usual. "Like I was saying, last year, Victoria's Secret fashion show after-parties, all the girls knew Ade owned Nicky's ass so he was designated don't-let-me-fall-in-these-heels guy, but we didn't let him in on that little fact," Austin explains, so full of nostalgia. "We let him think all the girls were flirting with him, but really they just needed someone to hold them up."

"You are officially the worst friends ever," Payson says.

"Whatever. It's Nicky." Max waves her off dismissively. "He has oddly fulfilling relationships with _crazies_—"

"And we have kinky sex with nice girls," Austin finishes for him, and does it with pride. "It's true. Ladies love me because I'm loveable and these arms," Austin flexes for dramatic effect, "make them feel safe."

Payson shakes her head at him. "Not at all because of your pseudo charm and their impaired judgment after a night of drinking."

"At least Austin pays for their drinks," Max interjects. "That's classy."

"Speaking of classy, check out the hottie in the witch costume!" Austin shouts, bringing his attention back to the fashion show on TV. "Hey, remember when Nicky dated Diana Meade? She was _way_ too hot for him."

Together, Payson and Max shout, "Pizana!"

A pause, then Max says, "I heard she's dating a girl now…"

…

"Pink Girls are a go! And they all have Bieber Fever," Razor announces. Damon comes back downstairs after putting his son to bed and finds Razor sitting in his seat, with Damon's phone in his hand, still glued to the VS fashion show like it's his job to memorize every last bit. "You didn't miss much, but The Biebs did do a whole acoustic version of one of his songs, no models on stage. Selfish little fucker."

"What the fuck are you doing with my phone?" Damon rips the iPhone away from his best friend and crashes onto the couch.

"It was buzzing against the table and interrupting my viewing pleasure," Razor explains. "So I made it stop."

"Did you read it?" Damon asks.

"No."

Knowing he's lying, Damon groans. "Razor, you suck."

"Clear something up for me, Sir Young. When Kaylie says she wants to wear you like a flannel shirt it confuses me because she doesn't really come off like the flannel shirt wearing type of girl. Does flannel even come in pink? That can't be pretty."

"I hope you didn't hurt yourself, thinking so much," Damon says sarcastically.

"Wait, was that _Kaylie Cruz_ trying to sext?"

"You're not funny," Damon says, with a straight face, dead seriously. "And stay out of my stuff, Razor. We aren't twelve and going to summer camp together. My phone isn't my candy stash."

"But it is so sweet I think I might have a cavity."

"Hey, look, Ray, The Biebs! Dance sequence!" Damon shouts, hoping it will distract Razor enough that he'll forget the current topic of choice. "He looks just like you when we were thirteen. Splitting image."

"Nu-uh, I had a much more manly physique," Razor argues. "Dae, do you think I could rock white skinny jeans?"

Damon doesn't answer, _refuses to_, looking between the TV and his phone, texting Kaylie, who's randomly feeling nostalgic about Maeve. It catches Damon's attention when The Biebs winks at the camera. He looks to Razor, who looks right back.

"So…is that a drink?"

Razor hands Damon a bottle and they take synchronized swigs.

…

The little interview segments with the Angels has to be the best part. When they're talking about dating, Jake leans as close as he can to the TV, enthralled.

"We're DVRing this right? Damn, I should be taking notes," Jake mutters, more to himself than to the girls. "Lily likes confident, cool guys, no showoffs."

"Sorry, babe, you aren't her type," Lauren says sweetly.

"Miranda likes flowers," Jake says. "Got it."

"She already has a man," Kaylie interrupts.

"_The man_," Lauren adds because, uh, hallelujah, it's true!

"_I just look for a hot body…I'm just kidding!"_

"Slut," Lauren hisses. Kaylie's expression shows she's in agreement.

"Damn, she said she was kidding! You girls need to chill!" Jake shouts defensively. "Lily is my favorite."

"Great," Lauren says, not amused. "My boyfriend has a favorite Angel."

Jake motions to the TV. "Look at her! She's cute!"

"The producers or whoever are just try to trick us into thinking these women are actually human," Kaylie says. The piercing judgment in her voice is a little off when gymnastics did that with her and the other girls all the time.

"And it works," Jake adds. "Lily is _fine_ and sweet as hell_._ And damn, Doutzen kisses on the first date! Her _if I like a guy, I like a guy_. That straight up! It's all _grr_! That's what it's all about. No games. Also my favorite."

Lauren folds her arms across her chest, clearly not havin' her boyfriend's excitement over other women and not just their goddess bodies, but also their _personalities_. What the fuck even, right?

Jake's face is one of pure shock when he hears Lily say her first kiss was on her wedding day. "What? She is not married! Nu-uh!"

Kaylie giggles. "Jake, they all are."

"But she hasn't even met me yet." Jake groans and crumbles into the couch. He leans his forehead against Lauren's shoulder, hugs himself and starts to whimper. The blonde shows no sympathy.

Lauren pushes him off of her, glaring at him. "Okay, either I'm going crazy or you're way too broken up over this and you've been way too excited over half-naked girls parading around on a glittery runway! This ends now!"

Jake finally looks at Lauren and it's with the biggest grin. "Baby, are you jealous?"

Kaylie hums. "She sounds jealous to me."

Lauren sits, defiant. "Ew, no."

"You totally are!" Kaylie squeals in delight. "Ha! I told you you're the jealous type!"

Jake wraps his arms around Lauren and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love you, baby, but thank God I didn't place money on it."

When it all makes sense in her head, Lauren mercilessly smacks Jake's arm. "You two were screwing with me this whole time?"

Jake keeps his arms around Lauren despite the way she keeps smacking him. He tells her he loves her, but Lauren isn't ready to give in. Watching them, Kaylie doesn't mind playing third wheel as much anymore.

…

"Remember my first and last date with Lauren Tanner?" Razor asks nostalgically. He's clearly had enough to drink that he's _really_ feeling it. "Her dress caught on fire and it was awful, but I mean, at least it wasn't her hair."

"Worst date ever?" Damon asks.

"No, because she still kissed me at the end of the night and that was pretty great," Razor says with a goofy smile. "She still with the short wrestler guy?"

"Jake, who could probably kick your ass in two seconds, yep. He's coming home for Christmas with Lauren and Kaylie." Damon laughs at the memory of him and Kaylie hooking up Lauren and Razor once upon a time on a tour stop in LA. Chaos obviously ensued.

"So, who's a better kisser? Emily or Kaylie?"

"Razor." Damon lazily kicks his leg and Razor lets out a loud, buzzing laugh. "Not cool."

"You have a kid with one and you're 'friends-who-wanna-date-each-other' with the other one and they used to be friends. Now every time they're in a room together, things get all quiet and weird like when a Coldplay song comes on in an elevator," Razor lets his voice trail off, hoping Damon will fill in the blanks, but he refuses. "C'mon, man, after you stole Emily from me—"

"Ray, you're an idiot," Damon snaps.

Razor can't help that he's Team Emily. He just _is_.

"Emily is the mother of my child. That's something special. Kaylie helped me through some really tough times and she inspires me. They're both great and important to me, but for completely different reasons.

"That doesn't answer my kiss question th—"

"Fuck you."

Razor likes pressing Damon's buttons. It's something of a hobby and just so easy.

"I mean, I see why you're into Kaylie, I guess. But, I dunno…" Razor combs his fingers through his luscious brown hair. "She's so strawberry. Consistently pink, too sweet and isn't anyone's favorite flavor."

"And Emily is vanilla," Damon says. "Vanilla's great. It's just…it's vanilla."

"I heard that!" Emily shouts from the other room. "Thanks a lot, Damon!"

A door angrily slams. Again. Damon winces. He can never fucking win with this chick.

Oblivious to the trouble he's caused all night, Razor meows and rubs his cheek against a pillow like a cat, letting his eyes fall closed. "You sleeping on the couch at my place again tonight?"

"Seems like it." Damon sighs and hoists himself out of his chair. "I need bread to sober up."

Razor suddenly sits up with an elated gasp. "Ooo, let's make Christmas cookies shaped like Angels!"

…

During commercial breaks, Justin snaps out of the Angels' spell. He goes to fetch the Christmas cookies when his mom shouts that they're ready and stuffs his face. For the duration of the commercial break, Justin usually turns to Nicky with questions about the Angels he's met. This particular time, he looks to Kelly.

"Do regular girls wear that kind of stuff under their clothes or just hot models? Do you wear that kind of stuff for Nicky?" Justin asks. "I see Victoria's Secret bags in your room."

"Stay out of my room, you little perv!" Kelly hisses, turning just a little red. Nicky holds her back from hitting her brother, but Kelly manages to squirm away and smacks Justin as hard as she can with the closest throw pillow. "As if dinner with dad and Cathy wasn't bad enough. Justin, do you have to be so embarrassing?"

"I was just asking you a question!" he shouts defensively.

"Oh, and what about dinner?" Kelly asks. "When you asked if he's my boyfriend why isn't he staying here with us while he's in town or when you went on and on, trying to relate my relationship, that you know nothing about, to what you've been learning in health class! Yeah, that's totally everyday dinner conversation, not because you're trying to make things awkward!"

Nicky's face starts to heat up at the memory alone. Even worse, he was sitting directly across the dinner table from Kelly's dad and could feel him staring him down all night. Yikes.

"Okay, you two, calm down," Nicky says soothingly. "What, Parks, you act like Justin doesn't haze the crap out of all the other guys you bring home to meet the family."

"What other guys?" Mr. Parker asks as he walks into the room with a cardboard box. _Christmas stuff_ is written across it in permanent marker. "Nicky, you're the only guy Kelly's ever brought home."

Kelly tries to act like it isn't a big deal or anything, snatches up the controller and changes the channel. Justin turns to her with a pout since they didn't even get to see the last two collections, but with Dr. Parker now in the room and how they met their embarrassment quota for one night, it's probably for the best.

"Aw, Kel." Nicky encircles her with his arms and whispers into her ear, "I'm your first?"

"Duh," she replies. Kelly enjoys being held for a moment, then when she notices her dad and stepbrother watching them, she hastily pulls away. "Nick, get away from me! Decorating the Christmas tree is a super serious tradition here. You're lucky you get to sit in and watch."

"I'm honored." Nicky says it playfully, but he totally means it and when his eyes lock with Kelly's, he knows she gets that. Even though Nicky isn't aloud to touch anything, he's content with watching Kelly and Justin argue over who gets to put the star on the very top of the tree and in a strange way he actually feels like he's apart of the family.

…

Ever since the Silver Screen Angels collection, Payson has been _hooked_. Maybe it was the lighting or the soft music or all the flowing white silks, feathers and lace. Austin and Max joking around (flirting) becomes white nose and Payson sits forward, sucked into the show like she never thought possible.

"Candace might be my new favorite angel," Max says, sitting back against the couch and watching the segment dedicated to the blonde bombshell. "Just don't tell Miranda…or Lily…or Barbara."

Austin shakes his head, clear disagreement. "Adriana. Lima. Boom."

"That was so…beautiful," Payson says without realizing. When she realizes she said what she did aloud, Payson looks from Max to Austin and then back. The shit eating grins on their faces are not making her feel any less embarrassed.

"Aw, did you hear that, Maxi?" Austin slings his arm around Payson's neck and rocks from side to side. "One less girl in the world hating on Angels for no reason!"

Max brushes an imaginary tear off his cheek before he grabs his camera and takes random photos to commemorate the moment.

"Admit it," Max presses. "Angels are beautiful and badass."

"Yeah," Austin joins in. "Hurry and admit you loved it before Rihanna invades the stage again!"

"It wasn't horrible," Payson says, which, yeah, pretty much means, _she fucking loved it_.

Max laughs, waving his phone in the air. "Ha! I'm telling Ava that Payson's Team Angels!"

"I love you guys so much!" Austin brings both arms around Payson and Max does the same in a stupid ridiculous group hug. Everything in the world may still suck, but all is right in the lake house. Just in time for Christmas.

_Fin_

* * *

A/N: HATE ON MY ANGELS AND I WILL RAGE ON YOU. :) 17 pages of pure nonsense. I am very pleased with myself. I hope you are too. If you laughed at least once, I consider this a success. As if you don't love my strange humor. Lol

1) Did you like any of the ridiculousness that just happened?

2) Who is your favorite Angel? (AKA, which would you totally go gay for?)

3) How many times do you think I've seen the Victoria's Secret Angles Lip Sync 'Beauty & A Beat' video? (Hint: between 5-258)

4) Does anyone besides me write CRACK FICS in this (dying) fandom?

**Review**!

XOXO


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